Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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