Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
two words...techno handjob
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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