You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
