Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You are the jesus of drinking
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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