he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
