Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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