this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize