we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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