If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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