I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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