If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
