This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize