its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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