I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
