She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
love makes seman taste better
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
