i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
