Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
