just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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