i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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