they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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