home. puking in laundry basket.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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