You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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