If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
