i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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