we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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