okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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