So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
