When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
