I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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