She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
