i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
