I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
