I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
