best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
