I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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