I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So vagazzling was a success
Drunk is not a location!
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