: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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