you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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