If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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