i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
