if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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