Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
