in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Found the puke drawer
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
