So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
