Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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