Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
