today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
