why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
