they need to just BURY HIM!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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