That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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