Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
