Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
