if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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