Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
