Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
