That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
