That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
