theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm bleeding and have questions
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
