My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
