Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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