hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
