She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
