She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
