The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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