So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
