Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
