you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
