Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
