im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
