how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
