I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
