i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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