oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize