if you like me you must not know who I am
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
