Don't you send me to vm
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize