i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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