Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
